I lost hope this year
It was very devastating
Most nights I couldn’t shut my eyes
And would end up having a breakdown.
I grew tired of the loss
I tried to do things that were influenced by social media
Because I worried I’ll get left behind.
I felt productive
But I didn’t feel hopeful, not for a bit
I still felt as hollow and worthless
As a hopeless person could be.
It was very tempting
To just wait for my deathbed
But such idea of laying down doing nothing bored me
Even if I had only a day left to be alive.
Then I began to do things
Things I genuinely enjoyed to do
Didn’t think if I were productive or not
I was just simply trying to cope.
My state of mind still won’t let me
Have a good night sleep or less breakdowns
But I will try to get through this hard times
Because who knows, hope might spark again someday.
–6th of August, 2020