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November: You may breathe for a while

When was the last time you truly enjoyed doing your hobby?

I am not certain if I am still enjoying mine.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness was the last movie I watched in the cinema. It was six months ago. J. D. Baker’s The Fourth Monkeys was the last novel I read for my own enjoyment. It was five months ago. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun was the last anime series I finished. It was four months ago. I do not remember the last time I wrote something that is not an assignment, I lost the pink and white pearl beads mask strap, the last mask strap I made two months ago, I no longer hype K-pop groups like I did before, and any fandom updates have been so overwhelming lately. 

Am I slowly losing interest in anything?

Amidst everything that is going on in my life, I tried, I tried to gain my courage to create something again. I tried to find some time to watch something again. I tried to urge myself to discover something new that will spark the excitement within me again. I tried to seek something to look forward to every single day. I tried, I desperately tried.

But then I came to realize: maybe I just need to slow down and start to pay attention to small things around me? It does not have to be something specific, I do not need to force myself to do a certain thing. Maybe all I need is some time to completely put my shoulder at ease and breathe?

Breathe.

I want to breathe.

And breathe.

And breathe.

– November 10, 2022

Emily Trisnandi

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