My love, how are you?
How are things down there? Are you still slaving your days away in front of the computer screen? 😛
How are you enjoying your new job? Are you eating well? How are you holding up?
Um…do you by any chance miss me? Because I do. A lot.
So…the last time we spoke, I hurt your feelings…big time. I mean…no wonder you left.
I told you that the love that you’ve felt from the people around you were all fake. Nobody deeply and truly loves you the way you are.
I told you that you were never going to come first, that you’ll always be someone’s backup plan.
I told you that you weren’t born to be a crowd’s favorite and that you wouldn’t find peace until you’re 60 something.
I told you not to envy other people’s happiness because you’ll never live to feel it.
I told you that no one would come and save you because your hands weren’t made for holding.
I made you wonder why you weren’t good enough.
I made you doubt every single breath that you take and every word that you say.
I made you felt worthless.
I’m writing this letter to you because I want need to apologize for everything that I’ve ever said to you.
I said what I said out of anger and disappointment over the people that we’ve become.
We’re both scared shitless about being with one another.
Your heart’s been battered and thrown about, while mine’s been broken a million times.
You don’t trust people because you believe that they always leave, and I blame myself for all my relationships that’ve gone south.
We’re both in pain.
The people and mistakes of our pasts continue to loom over our heads, reminding us both that being in love will hurt at some point, making us not want to try love again because we’re both tired of licking our own wounds.
My love, I know you’re scared.
I know that you think you’ll never win at love because you’ve lost too many times.
I know that you’re afraid of loving because every time you do, you lose them.
But my love,
You are a vessel of love that life needs.
You give love to those you touch.
Like the sun, you beam golden lights that the world wakes up to and awaits at the end of the day.
You breathe laughter to the ones you call family and friends.
You are my life and I never want to lose you.
Let’s try this again.
If you’re scared, take my hand.
I’ll walk you through this crooked bridge to the other side and you want fall this time because I’ve got you and I’m never letting go.
I want to mend what’s been left to hurt and fix what’s been broken.
I want–no–need you to believe in love.
I need you to trust me when I say that we will make it out alive.
We will find love. We will find happiness. We will find peace.
Come home soon.
I love you.