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I Love My Love with an M

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***

“Ssssshut your eyes, sssssweetheart. Then turn around.”

“No. It’s daytime. It’s your turn.”

“Be a good boy and do as I sssssay. I missssss your tiny little nose, sssssweetheart.”

“Fine. I’ll give you a few minutes,” I do as she says. She immediately licks my tiny little nose. Her tongue is slightly wet. I create images in my head as it touches my skin gently. I feel the wind blowing into my face. I remember how that cute pinkish little thing danced inside my mouth just a few hours ago.

“How’s lassssst night?” she whispers softly in my ears whilst she puts one hand on the left side of my face. It’s rather rough, to be honest, and those claws are a bit concerning. But I feel safe. After a few years, she learned how to touch me without scraping my skin.

“The one that keeps me up all night, or the one that helps me fall asleep?”

“Both. Both.”

“I wish I didn’t need words. I wish I could look into your eyes. I could imagine we speak with silence when we stare into each other’s eyes.”

“Don’t sssssay that. You know we could never do that.”

“I want to see them when my end is near. Ah, your time is up. Now close your eyes.”

I feel her tail wraps me and pull me closer. She drops her hand. “I’m yoursssss.”

I push against her chest right after I open my eyes. “Too tight!”

“Sssssorry.”

“Let your tail be still. It’s my turn.”

She was cursed many, many years ago. Maybe the goddess thought it was so wise to turn such beauty into a snake-like creature. I think it’s folly. She’s still pretty though. Besides those silly snakes on her head.

“I wish I could ssssshow you my real hair. They were dark asssss night. Strong and firm asssss the mountainsssss, yet they curl like the Aegean wavesssss.”

Regrets are seeping through her nose as she pets her snake-hair. Her ears are telling me that she feels guilty. Guilt. Because she thinks that I must be dissatisfied with her looks. Because she’s stuck with the idea that she doesn’t deserve me. Because she feels she’s not good enough for me.

“It’s not your fault.”

“If it wasn’t, then my goddessssss wouldn’t have punished me.”

“Your goddess is a fool!”

“BLASSSSSPHEMY!” she roars to my face. The gust of her rage shows her devotion.

We are both silent. I dare not speak. She dares not speak. Because of guilt. Again. Until I dare myself to speak.

“I’m sorry. I know how loyal you are, but I couldn’t hide my true feelings. I dislike your goddess.”

“Her methodsssss can be unorthodox, but believe me, she wasssss trying to protect me.” She guides my hand to touch her eyes. “With thessssse eyesssss, no man would want to touch me ever again. I’m free from harm.”

The snakes on her head don’t look very happy with my hand near them. But they ignored me in the end. They always do. I take my other hand to her face and gently massage her temples whilst my thumbs are placed upon her eyes. The snakes stop writhing. They seem to enjoy it too.

“Am I not a man to you?” I tease her.

“You’re different, sssssweetheart.”

“How am I different?”

“I would sssssay you have terrible eyesssss that you could still perceive me as pretty.” She laughs lightly with a dulcet tone. “You are astute and kind. And you’re willing to lisssssten to a monsssss—”

I don’t like to hear that last word, so I interrupt her speech by putting my lips on hers.

***

***

“No, no, no. No!”

“Yesssss. You mussssst leave! Your people will not take you back once they sssssee us together.”

“It’s still better than death! You told me your goddess has made your head a trophy! I will fight by your side. No one shall take you from me!”

“And with what power will you protect me, sssssweetheart? You are but a mortal. You have an awarenesssssss as great as the godsssss. But it’s not ussssseful in battle. A demigod is coming for my head!”

“Nothing matters! I’ll fight for you. I can still—”

“LEAVE! Pleassssse! Please… you must leave. They will take my head, but if any man sssssees you, they will take your very sssssoul. You can still return now to your village as a sssssurvivor.”

He shuts his mouth as tight as his eyes. He won’t talk to me. Am I being selfish now? My fate is inevitable, but he still has a lot of things ahead of his life. I won’t take them from him. I won’t! My goddess promised me she won’t lay her hands on him as long as I pay my debt with this head. With this neck. Hence, I’ll do it. Without question!

His eyes are speaking to me. Those tiny drops must be the messengers. They must be looking for me. I come closer to his face and catch his tears with my tongue.

“I hate the sea,” he finally moves his jaws.

“Me too. Me too.”

“Here, I will leave all of my heart.”

“It’sssss alright.”

“Your voice only could make me cry.”

“Cry all you want tonight, sssssweetheart.”

“I wish I could cry forever.”

“I wish to see you smile for one last time.”

“But you have to sing for me, my Angel of Music.”

“I will, once you stop weeping.”

***

***

I love my love with an M, because she is Magnificent. I hate her with an M, because she is Memorable. She made me Melancholic. Her name is constantly in my Mind, and I Miss her.

I love my love with an E, because she is Elegant. I hate her with an E, because she is too Enormous for me. And because I can’t see her Eyes. She is so Enticing. Her name Eclipsed my own name, and I would destroy this very Earth if I must just to get her back.

I love my love with a D, because she Dances most beautifully. I hate her with a D, because she Dumped me. She is my beloved Darling. Her name will forever be so Dear to me, even though she’s Dead.

I love my love with a U, because she is Unbelievably tender. I hate her with a U, because she Understands me more than myself. She is my Universe. Her name is Unforgettable, and this loss has Unhinged me.

I love my love with an S, because she is such a Superior being. I hate her with an S, because she wouldn’t let me Stay by her Side. She is my one and only Serpent. Her name constantly Stuns me as I recall how she asked me to Smile for one last time.

I love my love with an A, because she sings Adorably. I hate her with an A, because she told me, “It’s Alright.” She is my Angel. Her name shall never be Absent from my remaining days because she is the Ardent flames that keep me Alive.

***

***

I’m now a phantom,

and we’ll meet again

far in the future.

‎‎‎

What will I do after we meet?

It’s my secret, I won’t tell you.

Be a good boy and play along.

‎‎‎‎‎‎

I know now.

Even the wisest owl can be jealous.

Even the sea can be more truthful at night.

And you’re right. It’s not my fault.

Even though I can not smell anything,

can not say anything,

can not taste anything,

I still know.

It’s so strange that I think I just saw my real hair.

I must be dreaming about you.

I miss you too, but that’s why,

I have to let go of you.

Even if I don’t know anything,

even if you can’t see me,

even if one day you’ll forget me,

I’ll still see you.

You like to claim

me as your Angel of Music,

but you must know

that the angel is nothing

without her music.

Your voice only is my Music.

In you, I left all of my heart.

I wish you wouldn’t cry forever.

It’s alright, sweetheart.

I can finally stop hissing.

Don’t you think it’s strange that the rain falls from above

but its smell comes from the ground?

You must be dreaming about me.

That’s why. That’s why.

You have to let go of me too.

Be a good boy and do as I say.

I am now a phantom,

and I’m going to see you

far in the past.

What will I do after that? I’m still wondering too.

***

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