i did everything you wanted, now what?

you said you like me in black

so i wear all black for you


you said heels look better on me

so i wear heels for you


you said long hair suits me the best

so i grow my hair and never cut it for you


you said i look prettier if i laugh more

so i laugh even though nothing is funny


you said you want to see me naked 

so i show you my body without any thread on


and you gasp


you’re scrunching up


you’re surprised by what you see before your eyes


no you don’t want these bruises

no you don’t want these stretch marks

no you don’t want these hairy armpits

no you don’t want this uneven skin

no you don’t want these scars

no you don’t want these flaws on me


then you nod, 


and you walk away.


so i scream,

‘but you have to know how i got all of these!’

as your back disappears from my sight


so i begin again, searching for someone who can accept me for who i am


there must be one

i must find one

they said love is about acceptance, right?

to love with no demand.


but i’m the one who should love me first

wait, what? to love my flaws? no.

i’ll find someone else to do it

i’ll put my expectation upon them

i want to hear those false admirations!


wait, no one can truly accept me? 

oh fine, i shall bring this disgrace to my grave.

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