i did everything you wanted, now what?

you said you like me in black

so i wear all black for you

 

you said heels look better on me

so i wear heels for you

 

you said long hair suits me the best

so i grow my hair and never cut it for you

 

you said i look prettier if i laugh more

so i laugh even though nothing is funny

 

you said you want to see me naked 

so i show you my body without any thread on

 

and you gasp

 

you’re scrunching up

 

you’re surprised by what you see before your eyes

 

no you don’t want these bruises

no you don’t want these stretch marks

no you don’t want these hairy armpits

no you don’t want this uneven skin

no you don’t want these scars

no you don’t want these flaws on me

 

then you nod, 

‘okay’

and you walk away.

 

so i scream,

‘but you have to know how i got all of these!’

as your back disappears from my sight

 

so i begin again, searching for someone who can accept me for who i am

 

there must be one

i must find one

they said love is about acceptance, right?

to love with no demand.

 

but i’m the one who should love me first

wait, what? to love my flaws? no.

i’ll find someone else to do it

i’ll put my expectation upon them

i want to hear those false admirations!

 

wait, no one can truly accept me? 

oh fine, i shall bring this disgrace to my grave.

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