you said you like me in black
so i wear all black for you
you said heels look better on me
so i wear heels for you
you said long hair suits me the best
so i grow my hair and never cut it for you
you said i look prettier if i laugh more
so i laugh even though nothing is funny
you said you want to see me naked
so i show you my body without any thread on
and you gasp
you’re scrunching up
you’re surprised by what you see before your eyes
no you don’t want these bruises
no you don’t want these stretch marks
no you don’t want these hairy armpits
no you don’t want this uneven skin
no you don’t want these scars
no you don’t want these flaws on me
then you nod,
and you walk away.
so i scream,
‘but you have to know how i got all of these!’
as your back disappears from my sight
so i begin again, searching for someone who can accept me for who i am
there must be one
i must find one
they said love is about acceptance, right?
to love with no demand.
but i’m the one who should love me first
wait, what? to love my flaws? no.
i’ll find someone else to do it
i’ll put my expectation upon them
i want to hear those false admirations!
wait, no one can truly accept me?
oh fine, i shall bring this disgrace to my grave.