I can’t sleep and..

it’s not the caffeine
in the coffee from that cafe
my friends recommended, saying:
‘their coffee can make you stay awake ’til sunrise’
that keeps me awake

it’s not the thunder
and the rain, or the lightning
that has lasted
since i wrapped my last shift
that keeps me awake

it’s not the croaks of the frog
singing in rejoice
dancing in the rain
nor the crickets hiding between the wet sycamores
that keeps me awake

it’s not the hustle of the people
rushing in their way to the office
nor those returning to their shelter
even before the sun fully rises
that keeps me awake

it’s not the sound of the dripping water
from the sink in the kitchen
that i forget to shut properly
after i finished my dinner
that keeps me awake

it’s not my phone
that brightens up my dark room
with new notifications
every 5 minutes, i guess
that keeps me awake

it is my train of thoughts
that’s running rapidly
switching from the past
to the present to the future back and forth
that keeps me awake

it is the fear of tomorrow
the fear of the trauma
the fear of failure
that is the worst nightmare
that keeps me awake

up most of all
it is the fear of being alive
and still breathing
on the next day
that keeps me awake