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i don’t know for sure — has love withered?
the roses that once bloomed in technicolor have now turned dark grey.
vividly, i can still remember how it felt like:
my heart burst in great euphoria when i heard you call my name,
it shattered when you looked at me in my eyes,
it turned into petals that i’m sure you blew a kiss to.

maybe i truly don’t know how it felt like to be loved.
maybe everything was just
my imagination all along, maybe the feeling
is long gone.
i wipe my tears with your sleeves and condemn myself for being the world on your shoulders;
i would rather shudder in silence than take you to the chaos that is my mind.
i want you to run to me like i’m your first love,
but i crawl like a baby when you call my name from the top of the hill. i will never reach you.

and this was all just a facade. in me is an abundance of loneliness
and i can’t wait to pour it all out.
i don’t have the strength to, my mind
scribbles the words, my heart is broken beyond repair,
my hand is always freezing no matter how long you’re holding it.
i order myself to put a smile in my face when i see you,
and you shouldn’t know this, but i
rip that smile off my face when you’re not around,
and i still mourn the love in me that i’ve wasted.

i hate that i’m numb. i hate that i
can no longer feel the warmth you’re giving me.
i hate that i have to fear the clouds waiting for me at the end of the day.
i hate the thorns love gave me and how it still stuck to me to this day. i hate how
my sky can no longer be clear.
i am pathetic, and no matter how much i pretend like i don’t,
i will always be
someone who begs for love.bear with me; it takes time, but
bear with me. i promise someday, i will
rip this facade off;
only then will i fully celebrate you.

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