All That Happened, All of This

Azka Aristya – Jakarta, 11 October 2020

I try to replay all those scenes  

showing the panicked bits of me  

struggling to get a tight grip  

and to hold giddy smiles in  

            you got me frail that way

I try to remember your sighs  

when we were both still shy  

to whisper things at night,  

we pretended to be fine with 

           ‘goodbye’  you got me clueless

           of what to do  

I try to recall when you  

found out I was an open book,  

an easy play of push and pull,  

      yet you spoiled me rotten—I was over the

        moon  you got me craving for more

I keep trying to make sense to our start  as

no one would ever believe

that  

in this indignant world, there is such a

heart  so adoring, prudent—one worthy

of trust   you got me—all of me 

To the lovely voice at late dawn,  

to the bright Eastern star far-off,  

this shall be an unvoiced ode  

from a grateful love-stricken soul  

         you, my dear . . . this is for you